Not Quite Anything

Well, my fitness goals have had to undergo a few adjustments. They are not being abandoned, nor are they to be deemed completely impossible or unattainable.

BUT...
This long winter and my ongoing health problems, which worsened with the cold and windy and generally unstable weather conditions, have sent me on a journey.

The nutshell version is that my heart is giving out. Heart Failure.

There is no cause for this. No blocked arteries; no malfunctioning valves; no infection or obvious inflammation of the heart muscle; no structural damages; no prolonged bouts of high blood pressure. The one short spurt of high blood pressure was quickly brought under control -- and that was five years ago. (underactive thyroid.)

In the early 2000s (I'm thinking 03 or 04) I had a bad bout of walking pneumonia and a few months later had a heart murmur and a 'slightly enlarged' heart. No structural damage, and as time passed, the condition resolved itself.

I had an anomalous heart problem in October of 08 or 09. There was an acknowledgement of a 'syndrome'. But there were no observable malfunctions, obstructions, or anything that could be diagnosed and treated.

I later had another bout of prolonged pneumonia. And another heart murmur with enlargement of the right ventricle. This set off a whole array of symptoms and tests, but the results were the same. No structural damage. And, once again, the condition resolved.

This may have happened another time -- after so many years and all the things that have happened in the last few years, memories merge or muddle. It has happened enough that there is a faint pattern.

So now I have the symptoms and the struggles of congestive heart failure. The symptoms are somewhat worse than they have been, and show no signs of resolving at this time. I am retaining fluids, and other systems are being affected. My liver is awash.But there are still no signs of structural damage or physical cause. It's hard to breathe, especially when I change position. The fluid (congestion) residing in my pericardium squooshes my lungs until I can adjust. My C-PAP has been doing a wonderful job of keeping the fluids OUT of my lungs, so there is that.

There is no prognosis.
It's even fallen short of an actual diagnosis.

I have the symptoms of heart failure.
I am receiving/doing treatments for heart failure.
Treatments are as effective as they can be, all things considered. (CHF can be a temperamental condition, until it gets into the later stages.)

One part of the treatment is mild exercise as can be tolerated.
Sure wish I still had my gazelle, or my pedals, or something of that sort.
I can still walk.
On days that I actually can walk.
Hopefully I can build up endurance, and will be able to walk in the woods and hike in the hills.
Maybe someday I'll even be able to walk all the way through Kroger's store without muscle spasms and gasping like a fish.
Maybe.
I figure mountain climbing is out, though.
Deep sea diving may or may not work, depending on depth. The piped in air is part of advanced treatment of cardiopulmonary issues, after all.
Not so sure about skydiving. All that thinner atmosphere and atmospheric pressure.

That's the plan, and it IS an achievable goal (within reason.)

I'm still trying.

More Therapy

Messed up my back just before Christmas. Well, my back messed up. It just decided it didn't want to do anything. No slips, falls, overexertions or anything that I could figure out.
Went to ER; Dr. diagnosed an exacerbation of chronic low back pain and recommended an MRI, so be sure to follow up with my PCP.
He also prescribed Robaxin, Vicodin, and prednisone -- a really long taper of the prednisone. 4 for 4 days, 3 for 3 days, 2 for 2 days, 1 for 1 day.

So, today I got in to see my PCP. she took me off the prednisone. Which is okay because I'm pretty much done with them anyway.  Said the steroid had me spilling sugar. Not a surprise; they do that. An immediate stop was a bit of a surprise, because sometimes a sudden stop can cause rebound problems. Good thing I'm already done or nearly so.
I also suspect the prednisone has been playing hell with my eyes. It's almost as if I've gone back to just after my second surgery as far as seeing is concerned. My eyes itch and burn and weep.
Of course, this could also be from having lots of heat on all the time, in these wintry winter temps.

I weighed in at 3 pounds over my last visit. (Still under 300, thank god) But I was wearing three shirts and two pair of pants and two pair socks. (Wintry winter temps, donchaknow?)I dont think my weight changed a whole lot. If it did, I'm kinda inclined to blame that on the steroids, too. They can cause bloating and weight gain.

 So, here I am, starting a new year with all this garbage.

Let's get the trash took out!

Apologies Again

Apologies for yet another break.
I'm sorry.

When I went back to doctor I had lost two pounds. It took a month, and there was of course some differential due to clothing, but it was a change and in the right direction.

The doctor had done a full thyroid panel; there is nothing showing up there. Good news on one hand, but also a little strange. For a period, I had low thyroid, and okay, what made it start working again? Is it working properly? How long will it work and having low thyroidworries, health symptoms already how will I know if it stops again?

What if whatever made it start to work makes it start to overwork?

Anyway, the next step is seeing a urologist. That appointment has been made, Feb 1. From my research, that is the next step in seeking out a metabolic disorder that isnt showing up anything on routine testing, so I'm okay with that.

I would really like to cut straight through to seeing an endocrinologist, but one has to go through the proper steps. Unless one is independently wealthy of course, and gets to tell the professionals what to do.

The holidays and cold and my back going out haven't helped in establishing any equilibrium, I'm sorry to say, but I am hoping that is under control now.

Thank you all for your support.

Changes

I've been trying a few basic changes.

The results thus far rather are less than encouraging.

I have switched to wheat bread instead of white, and pretty much cut potatoes out. Not completely, but down to twice a week at most. Trying the not-white concept.
Also eating soup and crackers.

The results?

I am sleeping 15 hours a day.
Muscle spasms in my upper back (just below my shoulder blade on my right.)
Increased hip pain, both sides, but more on my right.
Something jumping around inside my rib cage (like a baby kicking) whenever I am lying down.
Not much energy for not much of anything. (most likely related to the sleeping, although unsure of the relationship.)
My heart pounding over the least exertion and extreme breathlessness. One of my prescriptions has expired, and I am stuck in the middle of the pharmacy says this and the doctor's says that and either neither is listening to the other, or no one at all is listening to me. (Nothing new there.)

I don't think most of this is related to the dietary changes. I think most of it is related to the need for dietary changes.

I swear that I can actually feel my metabolism slowing down. I wonder how slow one's metabolism gets before organ failure starts to happen. (Especially with a baby in my chest.)
My metabolism is currently averaging sloth; heading toward slug.

Or maybe I'm just trying to hibernate. It's done turned February cold in mid-December.
If that's the case, I have done my body a disservice changing those lovely snow colored carbs for dirt colored ones. Bears pack on the carbs to live off of while sleeping.

I have my next doctor visit on the 18th, and a visit to my cardiologist on January 17.

Thank goodness for Tammy and the kids. They won't let me turn into no more than a quivering lump.

Something Different

Trying something new. A half-step between a fast and a liquid diet. I'd try an all out fast, but I don't think that would work. As a matter of fact, I did have a hypoglycemic drop and am hoping some soup will stop that. If not, I will have to eat.
If I don't dissolve into a puddle first.

Overall, it hasn't been too bad. I did have a couple of slips -- an edge of a cookie I unwrapped for Warren, and a handful of popcorn, again meant for Warren. I should probably also count the blue stained fingers. Icing from the cookie. (No actual icing, but it was somehow my job to suck his fingertips clean. Kids are weird.) That may have been just enough sugar to cause enough of a spike to trigger the drop.

This may be an effective tool, if I can remember to remember not to eat -- and maybe do it only on days the little guy will be at school. It hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. And, no, that isn't because I ate until 11:59 before starting the fast.

I did maintain a variety of fluids -- milk, water, diet pop, coffee, tea. To some that may be cheating; to others it's permissible. It depends on what model you are following. No sugar in any of the drinks.
that would indeed have spiked my sugar and induced a drastic drop. Possibly the milk played a part, although it was a long time difference, which is outside of the norm for me. Also only a few sips of milk, twice, to provide a flavor.

I think i may be a flavor addict.
That's an odd thought, since I don't like things spicy. Maybe the spices mask the ability to savor the flavors?

The biggest problem, so far, other than the sugar drop, has been that if nothing solid goes in, nothing solid comes out. And if it isn't solid, when it wants out, it's in a hurry.

Maybe I should count that as my exercise for today, or at least part of it?

Discouraged

After my visit to the doctor Monday (rescheduled from the day of missteps) I am so Disappointed, despondent and depressed. Have gained weight and not just a little bit. Still swollen in the legs. blood pressure good, heartbeat 'within normal parameters'. Still a bit of a murmur.

I brought up the weight gain.
I brought up how it is out of proportion with what I eat and do.

And i got the same old they-aren't-listening-to-me garbage about diet and exercise.
Was suggested that I write down what I eat. (Duh.) (Check mark)
Was suggested I always include a protein when I eat. (Check mark)
Was suggested that I eat frequently instead of one or two big meals. (Check mark)
Didn't really feel believed, but that could just be me.

I guess I should look at it like I'm doing the right things, I suppose.

I shouldn't call the diet and exercise garbage. There is validity to it -- I'm not saying there isn't. I'm really not.  But it is not the be-all and end-all solution to weight problems.
There are other causes and concerns that are weight related. Thyroid, pituitary, thalamus, kidney or liver disease (or deterioration).

Heredity.

Looking at the pictures from our trips, I think I am taking on the body silhouette of my mother's Aunt
Gladys. She had several glandular problems, and that was back in the day, before many of those had legitimately been accepted.

I can't be sure without seeing actual pictures of her in her later years, and I doubt there are many of those floating around. The idea could be wishful thinking on my part, another way to escape responsibility. (Not that that's something I do on a regular basis.)

Of course, it would also be another factor to be considered as part of a weight loss regimen.

So, I go into Thanksgiving week edging ever closer to 300. This is not a goal I wish to meet. I need to reverse this. And quickly.

I refuse to be 300.

kid busy

Last two  days have been kid busy. For whatever reason, my house is the place to be. Warren's been a regular little sweetheart, although just being around his energy can drain me, after a while.
Hailey's been here, too, after a long dry spell.

I love it. I love having them, and I love feeding them -- keeps me from having leftovers, donchaknow? But oh, lordy, Mr. Bub the builder can sure wreck a room with his creations. And i have to laugh as his imagination expands. His castles have become houses or persons, and we throw books and cars and other things into Imagination Central, so all sorts of stories, thoughts, and ideas come out.
It's a fascinating process.

News of a death today. Very sad to hear of that. A writing friend met online.

Between feeding them my leftovers and cleaning up after them I'm not not-meeting my goals. I'm not increasing anything either, but hey, things take time. Factor in a case of the dont-feel-goods and fluctuating weather -- yeah. I'm not doing badly at all.
I just could be doing better.

But isn't that always true?