Yay Me

 Winter is a bad time for fresh air, exercise, fresh food, and many other things. Chronic ailments seem to intensify, fears are exaggerated, and nothing and no one feels quite in sync with the rest of Life. 

So, it has been winter.

The Fall (Autumn) was long and dreary. The run-up to the holidays is too often for too many a reminder of loss and loneliness. After the holidays, the darkness seems to set in, just when the outer darkness has begun to reverse itself. Maybe the powers of dark, having failed at holding the outer places is fighting for a foothold within? 

For a while now, I have had bad days and goods, with an average of one day a week being not worth getting out of bed for. (Except, y'know, going to the bathroom and such so the bed stays a comfortable place.)

But it's a new year, a new time, a new life, ha-ha, now. Time to do better. The new spring is coming. Sunlight is returning to the earth. 

It is time for change.

Change is hard to do at any time.

It's really hard to do from under the covers, in the bed, in the house with curtains closed and artificial or forced heat. 

I decided a while back -- can't recall when-- that if I could do nothing else, I would try to get at least a little bit of natural light every day. (Translation: open the curtains.)

Took a long time. Goes against the bad days. Hard to do. Every day it's not done, the next day is even more difficult. 

But I have done it, for a couple of weeks now. 

Not only the open curtains, which necessitate getting out of bed. 

I have got up, got dressed, and opened the corner and sat by the window every single day.

I didn't always stay up for very long, sometimes less than an hour, but I did get those things done for at least a while. For an impressive (to me) number of days in a row. 

There's nothing wrong with small goals. Victories are often an accumulation of them. 

And they are doable.

If you're in a bad place, start small. 

If you're in a dark place, maybe just open your eyes, whether it will make any difference to your seeing or not. It MAY make a difference to YOU. (It may not, but you won't know if you don't try.)

No matter what, it is an incredible sense of achievement, when you do it, first for five minutes, then ten; and eventually maybe two days in a row. 

Look at you!

You decided to do something, and then YOU DID IT! You are not a nobody nothing who can't ever do anything. 

ENJOY YOUR VICTORY.

Trying again

Time to fire this ol' thing up again. I've had a lot of things happen since last I was here. Most of you reading know. For those who don't know the details, it really doesn't matter, except that it distracted me and now I must get myself back on track.

My weight, despite changes and diet and all that stubbornly clings to 300. It bounces up and down around that number, but it seems to be the anchor number. 

I am doing more, but I really can't seem to force myself into a routine. And changes are more easily made through an adaptable routine. Routine being the key word.

I went on a mini vacation with my sisters (and one of their friend) and I got in some of the kind of walking I enjoy. And I did enjoy it! 

I want to keep doing that, but I'm thinking I'm going to have to do a lot of boring walking around town and through stores, whether that's where I want to be or not. 

I am doing better. The walks I succeeded at in the mountains proved that to me. (Also proved that I am correct in saying "It may take me a while, but I CAN do it.)

What I need is some outward accountability. That is you, my friends. Please get on my case if I don't post something here regularly. I'd like to go every day, or every other day, but for now I'll accept a staring goal of twice a week. 

Please, if you can, help me hold myself accountable. If I can cure or adapt my physical problems, I am now free to do things I want, instead of just wishing and dreaming of doing them. I can even afford to do things, so long as I'm not reckless or extravagant.

This is important to me.

I will also benefit by getting back into the habit of writing regularly, which has been tricky with arthritis in my hands and ennui in my head. I don't like not writing meaningfully and frequently.

Here's to good habits and successful routines, and GETTING A LIFE.

Discouraged

After my visit to the doctor Monday (rescheduled from the day of missteps) I am so Disappointed, despondent and depressed. Have gained weight and not just a little bit. Still swollen in the legs. blood pressure good, heartbeat 'within normal parameters'. Still a bit of a murmur.

I brought up the weight gain.
I brought up how it is out of proportion with what I eat and do.

And i got the same old they-aren't-listening-to-me garbage about diet and exercise.
Was suggested that I write down what I eat. (Duh.) (Check mark)
Was suggested I always include a protein when I eat. (Check mark)
Was suggested that I eat frequently instead of one or two big meals. (Check mark)
Didn't really feel believed, but that could just be me.

I guess I should look at it like I'm doing the right things, I suppose.

I shouldn't call the diet and exercise garbage. There is validity to it -- I'm not saying there isn't. I'm really not.  But it is not the be-all and end-all solution to weight problems.
There are other causes and concerns that are weight related. Thyroid, pituitary, thalamus, kidney or liver disease (or deterioration).

Heredity.

Looking at the pictures from our trips, I think I am taking on the body silhouette of my mother's Aunt
Gladys. She had several glandular problems, and that was back in the day, before many of those had legitimately been accepted.

I can't be sure without seeing actual pictures of her in her later years, and I doubt there are many of those floating around. The idea could be wishful thinking on my part, another way to escape responsibility. (Not that that's something I do on a regular basis.)

Of course, it would also be another factor to be considered as part of a weight loss regimen.

So, I go into Thanksgiving week edging ever closer to 300. This is not a goal I wish to meet. I need to reverse this. And quickly.

I refuse to be 300.

Back. I Hope.

Sorry for the break. My second surgery discombobulated my vision too much for me to be able to do anything at all for very long. Plus internet problems, and then my computer 'broke' and -- one thing after another, the way it usually happens.

But, today, finally got me glasses and life looks better. Or, at least, I can see it.

Not a whole lot to report right now. I have managed to boost my activity a bit. It's got to the point where I get restless and edgy if I haven't been a degree of active. So, getting a little more housecleaning done, go up and down the steps a few times a day.

Eating has mostly been tomato soup, sometimes with grilled cheese, sometimes not. And popcorn for a snack. And some pizza here and there.

Starting to do some holiday cooking, have made a couple batches of fudge. Have not eaten any, save a couple small samples to see how the chocolate was setting. (Not super-very-well, as it happens, but okay.)

Now is time to jump back in and start getting things done. Making changes. Be nice if I could be running marathons by New Year's, but I'll settle for walking to the bus stop without back spasms and SOB.

Sounds like a goal to me.

Hello

hello.
I am going to try this for accountability. My natural laziness and lack of discipline is catching up with me in so many areas of my life, I am inviting you all to hold me accountable for my failures.

I need to do something. My weight is creeping up again. Actually, it is nit creeping, it is skyrocketing, and that is not acceptable to me.

My productivity is down, and my basic caretaking skills are falling by the wayside. I cannot permit this to be me, and I am taking action.

My sister did a weight loss journey blog, and it helped her tremendously, so I am following in her footsteps. With the blog, and hopefully with the weight loss success.

When and where have I drawn this line? I have always been big, and even after my last pregnancy -- nearly 30 years ago, I have been seriously overweight by the numbers.
Now, I don't like or trust numbers, they can be manipulated. (1 pregnant woman, 9 virgins. Statistically, the virgins are 1/10 pregnant and the pregnant one is 9/10 virgin. Yeah.)

BUT -- basic health I understand, and when my weight goes over a certain point I have health problems. It is the health problems that have me restarting on this journey today.

It is likely that my thyroid is again laying down on the job. Laziness may be a glandular failure, not a life-choice. Unfortunately, the month of October is already devoted to a different health problem so that will have to be checked later.
I already have the appointment scheduled.

New month, new week, changes already in the works.
We will see how it goes.

Give me hell, people.
Help me be and do my best.

Thank you.