Discouraged

After my visit to the doctor Monday (rescheduled from the day of missteps) I am so Disappointed, despondent and depressed. Have gained weight and not just a little bit. Still swollen in the legs. blood pressure good, heartbeat 'within normal parameters'. Still a bit of a murmur.

I brought up the weight gain.
I brought up how it is out of proportion with what I eat and do.

And i got the same old they-aren't-listening-to-me garbage about diet and exercise.
Was suggested that I write down what I eat. (Duh.) (Check mark)
Was suggested I always include a protein when I eat. (Check mark)
Was suggested that I eat frequently instead of one or two big meals. (Check mark)
Didn't really feel believed, but that could just be me.

I guess I should look at it like I'm doing the right things, I suppose.

I shouldn't call the diet and exercise garbage. There is validity to it -- I'm not saying there isn't. I'm really not.  But it is not the be-all and end-all solution to weight problems.
There are other causes and concerns that are weight related. Thyroid, pituitary, thalamus, kidney or liver disease (or deterioration).

Heredity.

Looking at the pictures from our trips, I think I am taking on the body silhouette of my mother's Aunt
Gladys. She had several glandular problems, and that was back in the day, before many of those had legitimately been accepted.

I can't be sure without seeing actual pictures of her in her later years, and I doubt there are many of those floating around. The idea could be wishful thinking on my part, another way to escape responsibility. (Not that that's something I do on a regular basis.)

Of course, it would also be another factor to be considered as part of a weight loss regimen.

So, I go into Thanksgiving week edging ever closer to 300. This is not a goal I wish to meet. I need to reverse this. And quickly.

I refuse to be 300.

Enough with the PB&J

6am: pb&j and a york peppermint patty
10am:pb&j
2pm: pb&j

7pm: weak and wobbly, cold sweat. need to eat probably low sugar. No, I don't want anymore peanut butter and jelly! I don't think I even want a sandwich at this point. Of any type. 5-way and fries from carryout, as Tam's family had gone there for a rare night out.

Drinks: diet pop and black coffee and hot tea. one coffee cup of kool-aid.

Will have another York peppermint patty after a while -- probably around 2, from the looks of this schedule.

Peanut butter and jelly is good, and one can make it different -- spread one thicker, one thinner, regular bread or toast, premixed before spread on the bread. Crunchy or creamy. Jelly or jam. different flavors even, if you are lucky. But it's still peanut butter and it's still jelly. Makes eating a bit unappetizing at the end of the day.

Still its better than nothing, and at least it does have flavor. One should not complain too much, lest one loses even that.

Eyes are doing well, better than I expected. Been computering without glasses. Most of the day. Reading with glasses, with the 'fixed' eye covered. a napkin under the glasses makes an acceptable eye patch. Seeing halos with porch lights and head lights and such. Funny thing is, the halos aren't around the lights, they are in some way alongside. For example the porch light across the way looks like there are Christmas lights around a back window as well as a porch light.  the headlights are really funny though. Every vehicle looks like its being escorted by energy balls where the tires are. porcupines made of light.
It's a really odd sight.

And yesterday brought both death and birth in the family; both matters are being kept private. October strikes again.