interesting day.

 I've certainly had that, an interesting day, today.

Got up and took a shower because I had an appointment to get an echo done on my heart. Mostly a routine thing; it's been two years and time to take an additional look and see if there's been any improvement or degradation. Inspired by the fact that if I sit down from standing it becomes harder to breathe for a few minutes. (Usually sitting down in is the best help for that problem.

I had my dr visit in early April. (It was due in February. Instead, thats when I called to make the appointment.) It was originally scheduled for Monday the 25th. 

I caught a cold (or something) and had to postpone for a week.

Which brings me to today. I went to the hospital for outpatient testing. My first fun event of the day. I knew where I needed to go and all that, but the lady on the telephone had given me instructions to go to the marked outpatient parking lot and enter from there. She also told me to park only in the marked outpatient parking spaces.

I knew from my dr visit a couple weeks ago (drs office is in same facility; different division.) that they were working in the parking lots, so okay. Never heard of that before, never saw any signs like that, but with all the construction going on, I'd better have a look around.

Drove as entirely around the structure as I could (construction blockages),twice. Never found nonexistent outpatient parking lot or spots. Lady must have mixed up her hospitals.

I did the test. In and out. Worst problem was walking the ninety miles of hallways from there to there to there.

For a nice change of pace, slow and steady got me through it without too much huffing, puffing, or holding onto the wall. Slow and steady does work, at least until I try to go a little faster. 

Come home, take off my shoes, set about the business of the day. Returning all the phone calls I had ignored the last two weeks while I was sick. Did some home stuff, read a little, took a nap.

More phone ringing. At first I thought it was on the tv, but it still rang after going to commercial, so I looked at the phone and it was an unknown Sardinia phone number. 

I thought it was one of the kids's schools calling, or something, although they don't have my new phone number if they ever even had my old one. 

It was my DOCTOR! NOT the office, but the actual doctor. 

He asked if I was using my C-Pap. How often I was using it. How long I was using it. (That one stumped me.) Was I sure I was using it? (I would say I had been overusing it, with that nasty cold and all. But I didn't say that out loud.)

Then he said that the echo today showed that my lungs are putting a lot of pressure on my heart. So hes going to order a lung scan to see if there are blood clots or anything else.

I am fine with that. 

After all, I've only been trying to find out why my heart and lungs are fighting each other whenever I exert for a dozen or so years now. 

So, maybe I'm going to get some answers. Maybe its a relic from the cold, but if so, I would guess that that was a fortunately timed illness.

And the doctor's office later called to give me the number to call to schedule the scan. 

Definitely an interesting day, with weird little twists and turns to keep me alert, even when I was asleep.

Yay Me

 Winter is a bad time for fresh air, exercise, fresh food, and many other things. Chronic ailments seem to intensify, fears are exaggerated, and nothing and no one feels quite in sync with the rest of Life. 

So, it has been winter.

The Fall (Autumn) was long and dreary. The run-up to the holidays is too often for too many a reminder of loss and loneliness. After the holidays, the darkness seems to set in, just when the outer darkness has begun to reverse itself. Maybe the powers of dark, having failed at holding the outer places is fighting for a foothold within? 

For a while now, I have had bad days and goods, with an average of one day a week being not worth getting out of bed for. (Except, y'know, going to the bathroom and such so the bed stays a comfortable place.)

But it's a new year, a new time, a new life, ha-ha, now. Time to do better. The new spring is coming. Sunlight is returning to the earth. 

It is time for change.

Change is hard to do at any time.

It's really hard to do from under the covers, in the bed, in the house with curtains closed and artificial or forced heat. 

I decided a while back -- can't recall when-- that if I could do nothing else, I would try to get at least a little bit of natural light every day. (Translation: open the curtains.)

Took a long time. Goes against the bad days. Hard to do. Every day it's not done, the next day is even more difficult. 

But I have done it, for a couple of weeks now. 

Not only the open curtains, which necessitate getting out of bed. 

I have got up, got dressed, and opened the corner and sat by the window every single day.

I didn't always stay up for very long, sometimes less than an hour, but I did get those things done for at least a while. For an impressive (to me) number of days in a row. 

There's nothing wrong with small goals. Victories are often an accumulation of them. 

And they are doable.

If you're in a bad place, start small. 

If you're in a dark place, maybe just open your eyes, whether it will make any difference to your seeing or not. It MAY make a difference to YOU. (It may not, but you won't know if you don't try.)

No matter what, it is an incredible sense of achievement, when you do it, first for five minutes, then ten; and eventually maybe two days in a row. 

Look at you!

You decided to do something, and then YOU DID IT! You are not a nobody nothing who can't ever do anything. 

ENJOY YOUR VICTORY.