wow, has it been that long. I apologize to my loyal readers. The end of May was rough, It was completing the first year cycle of my daughter's death. Believe me, it was a difficult time. I tried to keep busy. I did keep busy. But every day it seemed more raw.
When it happened, it felt, for the longest time, as if I were inside one of my reality-straddling dream. And I wanted it to be. The days I didn't spend just breathing, going to the bathroom, and waiting to go back to sleep, I don't even remember.
The world was closing down around me, but I hardly realized. It had already ended, in some ways, for me. So, I guess I was closing down, too.
As this anniversary approached I had to deal with the reality. I had to admit to it, look it in the face, and somehow get through it.
As I said, I have been keeping busy. My knee got all arthritic, which was really fun when the April Showers finally came -- late, like everything else in this craziness. Made it difficult to stand, to walk, to do anything. My car had a nervous breakdown, or maybe a psychotic break with delusions. (Or perhaps I was the one having delusions, etc.)
But I tried, I forced myself every day to move around, to get at least one chore done.
I usually did it.
But May is here, even though Tammy still isn't. May will come again and she won't.
And I am here.
I must do better.
That is all.
And I am indeed trying, and have been trying through these last few weeks.
