5/11/2021

 here I am again. Finally getting my numbers under some kind of control. I'm at least more aware of the why when my sugar goes high and doesn't want to come down. Exercise helps a lot with that, by the way.

I'm doing fairly well about exercising or walking every day, and have even thought about doing both. But I am still very much at the stage of having to force myself to do one or the other, so maybe I'll put that off for a while. 

Hope I get over that reluctance soon, and I may, as I'm showing signs of minimal weight loss. I think part of the problem is that there is so much of me to haul around. 

Working with the flowers helps also. That's something I can do in small bits of time, and it definitely has immediate and pleasing results. I still haven't quite figured out how to manipulate me around my arthritic knee, but some attempts are semi-successful, for a minute or two. Since this pain doesn't look to be going anywhere, I had best learn to work around it or in spite of it.

May 5, 2021

 I'm getting behind here. I apologize.

It's been a rough week in many different ways. I did finally get rid of the headache, only to replace it with a painful knee. I played in my flower beds. When you're as big as a whale, it's very like playing when you're rolling around and crawling to get things done! Ya gotta make it fun.

It's also a lot of work.

I've been spending more time out on the porch or in the yard. Can't watch tv much right now, the Mother's Day commercials are getting to me. Makes it hard to want to get out of bed and open the curtains and door and let the light in.

Fortunately, it is time for the rent to be collected and I would be very embarrassed to have a need to answer the door in my sleep shirt. 

It's been raining quite a bit, which is good for the flowers and it is also rather soothing to watch and hear, and smell. 

Anyway, I'm hanging in there with my getting up and doing, although I desire to do more and I do try, but I'll try to do better. 

Legs

Hooray! I can exercise my legs without scaring my heartbeat and drowning from lack of breathing.
It's not just my legs. I can do hips and even waist, so long as I'm seated or lying down.


I WANT TO WALK!
I miss long rambling walks.
I miss quick trots (so to speak)

So, the legs are a good place to start.
That's one reason why I wish my pedal thing hadn't fallen apart.
I wish I still had my gazelle, but I don't know if I'm ready for that. It involves standing and moving-- both at the same time. That's a problem. For now.

I do get terrible cramps in my butt muscles, where the holes in the hip bones are.
I get sore in my groin joints and my knees get tender.
My traitorous back ties itself in knots.

I'm still bloated. They keep telling me my legs are really swollen, but I still don't see that. My legs just look like my same-ol' fat legs to me. Heck, I can even see my little round ankle bones once again. Haven't been able to do that for a while.

My feet, however do swell tremendously. My feet look like balls with toes. Even Hailey has commented on them. Usually not painful, but cartoonish to look at.


Health professionals still on their "lose weight" mantra.
Still refusing to believe my food diary or reports. Insisting exercise is the answer even with limited mobility. Haven't yet figured out how to move without moving. (I did semi-research joining the Y for swimmercise but too expensive and too far to drive with gas prices push-push-pushing $3.)

I think I am losing weight. I think my body is turning everything into water. Water is NOT weightless. The way my clothes fit is changing. That's almost always the first clue. My  pants are getting longer and the waistbands (on any and all types of clothes) are rubbing.
The scale is as always -- bouncing between 7 to 10 pounds different from day to day. They say to report weight gain that high but that is and always has been normal for me.

This weather hasn't made being able to "do" an easy option. By "do" I mean things like walk to my car, stand at the sink, take a shower.
Oh, to live where it is forever spring or fall! With sunshine and showers for the Glorious Fourth and snow for Christmas. the end.

All I can do is try and do what I find I can, I suppose.
Starting with the legs.

Not Quite Anything

Well, my fitness goals have had to undergo a few adjustments. They are not being abandoned, nor are they to be deemed completely impossible or unattainable.

BUT...
This long winter and my ongoing health problems, which worsened with the cold and windy and generally unstable weather conditions, have sent me on a journey.

The nutshell version is that my heart is giving out. Heart Failure.

There is no cause for this. No blocked arteries; no malfunctioning valves; no infection or obvious inflammation of the heart muscle; no structural damages; no prolonged bouts of high blood pressure. The one short spurt of high blood pressure was quickly brought under control -- and that was five years ago. (underactive thyroid.)

In the early 2000s (I'm thinking 03 or 04) I had a bad bout of walking pneumonia and a few months later had a heart murmur and a 'slightly enlarged' heart. No structural damage, and as time passed, the condition resolved itself.

I had an anomalous heart problem in October of 08 or 09. There was an acknowledgement of a 'syndrome'. But there were no observable malfunctions, obstructions, or anything that could be diagnosed and treated.

I later had another bout of prolonged pneumonia. And another heart murmur with enlargement of the right ventricle. This set off a whole array of symptoms and tests, but the results were the same. No structural damage. And, once again, the condition resolved.

This may have happened another time -- after so many years and all the things that have happened in the last few years, memories merge or muddle. It has happened enough that there is a faint pattern.

So now I have the symptoms and the struggles of congestive heart failure. The symptoms are somewhat worse than they have been, and show no signs of resolving at this time. I am retaining fluids, and other systems are being affected. My liver is awash.But there are still no signs of structural damage or physical cause. It's hard to breathe, especially when I change position. The fluid (congestion) residing in my pericardium squooshes my lungs until I can adjust. My C-PAP has been doing a wonderful job of keeping the fluids OUT of my lungs, so there is that.

There is no prognosis.
It's even fallen short of an actual diagnosis.

I have the symptoms of heart failure.
I am receiving/doing treatments for heart failure.
Treatments are as effective as they can be, all things considered. (CHF can be a temperamental condition, until it gets into the later stages.)

One part of the treatment is mild exercise as can be tolerated.
Sure wish I still had my gazelle, or my pedals, or something of that sort.
I can still walk.
On days that I actually can walk.
Hopefully I can build up endurance, and will be able to walk in the woods and hike in the hills.
Maybe someday I'll even be able to walk all the way through Kroger's store without muscle spasms and gasping like a fish.
Maybe.
I figure mountain climbing is out, though.
Deep sea diving may or may not work, depending on depth. The piped in air is part of advanced treatment of cardiopulmonary issues, after all.
Not so sure about skydiving. All that thinner atmosphere and atmospheric pressure.

That's the plan, and it IS an achievable goal (within reason.)

I'm still trying.

Back. I Hope.

Sorry for the break. My second surgery discombobulated my vision too much for me to be able to do anything at all for very long. Plus internet problems, and then my computer 'broke' and -- one thing after another, the way it usually happens.

But, today, finally got me glasses and life looks better. Or, at least, I can see it.

Not a whole lot to report right now. I have managed to boost my activity a bit. It's got to the point where I get restless and edgy if I haven't been a degree of active. So, getting a little more housecleaning done, go up and down the steps a few times a day.

Eating has mostly been tomato soup, sometimes with grilled cheese, sometimes not. And popcorn for a snack. And some pizza here and there.

Starting to do some holiday cooking, have made a couple batches of fudge. Have not eaten any, save a couple small samples to see how the chocolate was setting. (Not super-very-well, as it happens, but okay.)

Now is time to jump back in and start getting things done. Making changes. Be nice if I could be running marathons by New Year's, but I'll settle for walking to the bus stop without back spasms and SOB.

Sounds like a goal to me.

Internet Out

I haven't abandoned my goals here. My internet has been acting up, as in not allowing much by way of posting, if it will even bring a page up.

10/9 Monday. Renamed Columbus Day, or Canadian Thanksgiving. Glad it wasn't here-Thanksgiving -- it's kind of early in the plan to disrupt the plan for a ritual feast.  To drink I had coffee, pop, and kool-aid. Wendy's for lunch -- burger and fries. A ham and cheese sandwich, spaghetti with garlic bread, and a couple of tiny candy bars. Warren doesn't have school on Mondays, so spent a lot of the day with him.
For exercise I ended the day with a walk through Kroger's fancy ass store. No diamond rings at 5 am, also no coffeecake. Darn, I really did want some of that. Oh well.

10/10 Tuesday. Doom day. Hell day. If there's a day that bad can happen, this is it. Of course, the bad doesn't happen just on this day, and just because it's 10/10 doesn't mean something bad will happen -- even good things can happen on this date. But it's a Day of Shadows for me. Some of the shadows are tall and dark and black, others are thin flickers. I guess it depends on the weather that particular year!

Food was ham sandwiches and tomato soup with crackers. Also some toast. Also a cup of ice cream. I bought a package of the little cups in yet another attempt at portion control. It usually doesn't work, but so far so good. For exercise I did another walk through Kroger, and also lapped Family Dollar. Pop to drink. hot tea.

Tomorrow I will post for today, as the day hasn't yet ended. I have to confess, today was kind of a pig out day on this new regimen. 

Thursday

Great start to the day. Found instant oatmeal packet in my cabinet, so I got to have some breakfast for breakfast. That was a nice change.
Had good ol' pb&j for brunch.

Walked over to the mailbox today. YAY ME! Got off my ol' fat butt and moved it. Didn't do to, bad either -- got all the way to the street over there before i had to stop for a breather. Had to pause a couple of times on the way back, and my hip was achy by the time I had to mount my steps, but hey, it's a start. right. And at least I did it.

Had an airhead for lunch. Found it in my box of tools. And black coffee.

Went to store. two or three trips from car, up my steps, into house, carrying bags. More walking/moving/exercise. Yay me!

Ham-turkey-cheese sandwich for supper, with bananas and chocolate milk.  Kids came over and had bananas and chocolate milk, too.

Mixed fresh fruits for midnight snack. Watermelon (yum), cantaloupe, strawberry, pineapple. Coffee with milk to drink.

That is my eating & exercise report for today.

Eye see -- Not Today

Had my first cataract surgery today. Involved fasting, as most surgery does. And then a pigout.

Had the breakfast bar at Frisch's. Mostly proteins, followed by fruit, but i did sneak in a few potatoes. And some cottage cheese. One biscuit and gravy. They didnt have banana slices in strawberry glaze. Peaches and pears were canned and served in syrup.  delicious.

Later I had two slices of pizza.

That was it for today.

Just as well, as the surgery, even though in my eye, has a lot of restrictions on activity.
NO:
bending
lifting
stooping
carrying
jolting
jostling

until i see the doctor again next week.
So that leaves out all but the most mild forms of exercise, and even that can be fraught. Walking can lead to stumbling and falling, especially when your vision needs to adapt to new parameters. (I hope that word works here; I cant think of another, better one.)

Even my lil guy throwing himself at me was a little scary, because of the jolting jostling thing, but hey, it's good to be missed!